guns & dames part 1 (guns)

So....I'm looking at Justin's blog here and I see he's armed with a shotgun - and he's going to shoot something!?!? Thaaaaat's right! Justin got a taste of power....and he liked it!

So what the hell happened? I've never touched a firearm in my life! Well, my buddy Taylor had the grand idea to have what he called a Hunter S. Thompson style bachelor party. Use your imagination. We loaded up a couple of cars' worth of dudes and headed out to the country - way out past Lakeland.

When we got there I realized we were in for a real treat. An all-terrain Mule came rolling up and the back looked like something bank robbers would haul out. To escape a militia.

Guns (the full gamut, too - shotgun, rifle, and pistol), more ammo than I could count and a load of orange skeets. I was skeptical. I tried the pistol - and almost took my toe off in a misguided shot. We'll say that one was for my dead homies. It was ok - I didn't hold it sideways or talk to it or anything - but it was cool.

But then.....the shotgun....oh, the shotgun...

This one took me a minute to fall in love with. My closest experience to dealing with this was skeet shooting on Duck Hunt as a kid. My grandfather would have been humiliated at my ignorance, but I'll bet he would have been hard pressed to use Photoshop so I'll say we are even. My first time up with the old girl was rough. The kick was hard (though not as bad as you might think) and I couldn't see shit.

The second time, though....think Ralphie when he takes an Black Bart...Brodie when he aims down the oxygen tank in Jaws' mouth...it was ON!

I swear I didn't know I had it in me...but there I was, getting my blast on! All this time, I have wondered what 3-6 Mafia was on about, with the sawed offs and the plastic nines...still wondering about those, actually...but now I know! Destroying things with deadly force is awesome! And doing it while getting intoxicated is thrilling! Wow...I won't even get into how bizarre it all got (it was a Hunter S. Thompson affair, after all) but I will put your mind at ease by saying we ran out of ammo before we got too twisted.

By the end of the night, we were back in civilization, feeding Taylor tequila shots as frequently as possible. At one point, as I went to the bar to close my tab, a lovely lady stopped me just to ask about our table. Being a master sarcasmist myself, I was trying to read her patronization. "Excuse me," she said. "your table - it seems to be full of very masculine men - what with all the liquor and beards...are you lumberjacks or something?" I looked back at our table - a graphic designer, an opera singer (from San Francisco no less), a scientist from St Jude, a librarian & a bartender. Not a calloused finger in the bunch.

"Yes ma'am....we are men."