Doin' It For The Kids

Wow. What a week, friends. On top of my usual stressful duties of helping keep Vanwraps afloat during this long and dark winter season, catching all Tigers games (which has been stressful in its own right lately), and arguing with my mother over what-i-have-no-idea, I found myself in one of the most interesting, exciting, and perhaps bewildering dj gigs I have had....well, ever.
The Memphis Grizzlies booked Defective Agency (out of character) to do their Read To Achieve event last year at the Forum. It was a pep rally of sorts for grade school kids so they could show them just how much our beloved Grizz players looooove to read books. It was very convincing. Anyway, we learned a true lesson in the psyche of little kids: they are street as hell. They do not want to hear stadium music or kid friendly pop. They want to crank that.
So when the Grizz asked me about dj'ing this year's set of Stay In School rallies, at the schools themselves no less, I was excited to meet the challenge, but ready for the battle. Junior high kids. Nastly little critters. I didn't want to get caught off guard with a bunch of bored, unhappy inner city kids, sarcastic and mean to begin with, so I knew I would have to do some homework if I was gonna come correct. Thus, I set out to gather clean versions and/or instrumentals of everything and everyone on Hot 107.1's hot chart....easier said than done. For starters, I don't know what half these titles mean at this point. "What's Up With The Cookies?" Hmmmm...somehow, I don't think dude is talking about Chips Ahoy here....after they got me with "Skeet, Skeet" (which I thought was about shooting clay discs with a shotgun), I don't put anything past em. So as a rule, anything that i couldn't decipher (or even many that I could; "Bust It Wide Open" - the clean version?! Riiiight....) got the instrumental treatment. The cool part is, those are readily available for any hit rap song as most are inappropriate for pretty much anything anyway.
We hit the ground running on Monday afternoon. I really had no idea what to expect. The events consisted of 5 contests: a relay, a basketball shoot out, an endurance contest, a talent show & a dance-off. I played the kids in, then handled the music for each event.
Day 1: Raleigh-Egypt Middle. This turned out to be the worst of the schools, pretty much by far. I think part of it was that it was the end of the day and the kids were ready to am-scray, but i really got the impression that the powers that be just didn't have the respect and control of their kids. In fact, only the 8th grade got to come as I was told, as the rest just couldn't handle it. They were restless, uninterested, and maybe even a little rude and by the end I think everyone was ready to retreat. I pulled up and found my contact, got into the gym, and began unloading. 30 years old and as soon as that intercom came on calling for "Blue Pod to the gymnasium", I found myself in a warp zone back to the thrilling days of yesteryear. Not talking in line, keeping your hands to yourself, no skipping, walkers and car riders....wow. Unfortunately, this session was pretty rough. The one highlight was the brief talent contest we managed to get off. There was supposed to be a dance contest, but we ran short on time and I think some were scared to see what these kids might do. Day 2: Humes Middle School. My aunt tells me this is where my Grandmother and her brothers went back in the Land Before Crime. Would this be another Thunderdome? This event was set for the very start of the morning, so I knew at least the kids would be slow and tuned in a little more. What I didn't count on was that this school was a complete 180 in behavior and demeanor. They marched the kids in, who then sat, listened, cheered and had a good time. This time around, the talent show was in full tilt. The three grades each presented their compeitors: this time a singer, a 3-man doo wop group (!), and a young rapper who gave me his track beforehand. If you watch the two clips, you will notice that both the singers and the rapper did songs about heavy duty break-ups and doin' wrongs and wastin' times and what not. Heavy stuff for 11 year olds!

Then we got to see our first dance contest - they don't do the Kid N' Play no more:

These kids amazed me with their sort of world-weariness, but also the charisma and bravado they carried with them. I think the cool word for it these days is "swagger". I even had a kid come up to me at the end of this session to ask me about dj'ing and if I could ever teach someone like him to do it. You know, I would? I was touched. Kids can be pretty cool when they aren't trying to kill you.Day 3, part 1: FairView Middle. We had Marc Gasol at this one, who is a pretty impressive fellow if only because he is a big 7' tall, Captain caveman looking mug with a funny accent. But he also seems to be a pretty nice guy and the kids obviously were into him and what he had to say. This school was pretty well behaved and had a good time. This time, a young man approached me before the dance contest. Honest to God dialogue:
KID: I wanna Grind in the dance contest and my principal said to axe you if it was ok.
ME: Do whatever you want as long as it won't get us in trouble.
KID: So what are we dancing to?
ME: I will give each of you about 30 seconds of "You Such a Showout..."
KID: Awwww......but man, you got that "Stankleg"??
ME: No, I, uh, didn't, err, want to play anything with....its own dance! Yeah, with its own dance!
KID: Awwwww, and you ain't got no grind music?!
ME: Just do it, kid. You got this.
In the end, he went out to half court, busted half a little piece of a move, and chickened out. BUT...then he came back to me with 2 other friends and wanted to get back out there to do their "grind routine" sans music....who could say no?!? As you can see in the clip, these boys were primed and ready to take it to the flo', but lack of beat and self confidence doomed it from the start:


Day 3, part 2: A. Maceo Walker Middle School. This one had a full-on pep rally going on when we got there. Band BUMPIN. Kids ROWDY. The place was going off. A teacher immediately ran over to me with a cd. This is for the dance contest - track 7! I looked down to see what was in my hand l "Souljah Boy Tell Em. Dot Com". Oh boy! I skipped to track seven to see what the track du jour would be...."She got a donk....She got a donk....She got a donkShe got a donkShe got a donk!" Awesome! This school definitey had the most spirit, but in the end they got a little toooo crunk and lost control. A t-shirt got thrown to the wrong part of the bleachers and I guess somebody really needed a t-shirt because a fight broke out.
Immediately, however, the principal was on the scene and busting kids out by name! The whole gym went on silent lockdown mode. Even the Grizz folks packed up silently, like we were in trouble! The kids marched out single file, heads hung low. Teachers called for them to quit talking, take that coat off. My travels through time had come to an end. Alls well that ends well.
In the end, I had a blast. I felt like I covered my bases as a professional, had some adventures and made some new friends, and I even got to shake hands with my personal favorite player (who should start, dammit!) Hakim Warrick. Tall dude. And he even told the kids, when asked, that had he not played pro ball, he would have taken the degree he went back to earn, and would have opened a retail business in his old neighborhood. I thought that was pretty cool.
February brings with it the Read To Achieve rally at the Forum. Will it be the Day of the StankLeg? We shall see, dear readers...we shall see.