December is upon us once again...

December - The most happenin month of the year. And boy, this one is no disappointment. Money troubles abound. Gas is a buck fitty for the first time in 5 years. One of my best friends is having a baby. Another is getting married. i am turning 30. 30! The Tigers stand to actually lose some games. Whoa - feeling dizzy. Let me tak it one step at a time here...
First off, we went to Nashville for Thanksgiving to see my Aunt Leslie and her fam. Awesome time - Nashville is undeniably impressive. I see why Jack White saw fit to post up there. Opry Mills has got it going on - the hotel, the mall...and now they have a big mega-aquarium?!
We were there to see the Rckette's Christmas Special. A friend asked me later "Aren't they all old by now?!" and all I can say to that is...well, I'll tell you what, I will be nice and keep it to myself. Pit being, they keep these goils young and fresh. Ooh-la-la. But I have to say, the show was pretty awesome. I hadn't seen mega-stage production values like that since I used to get dragged to mega-church Passion Plays as a kid. Real camels in the nativity scene go along way to wow a crowd. Or at least me and my Uncle Dave.
My interest was snagged by nashville's ICE! They are currently doing the Grinch for what is apparently its final year. As you may know, I am a Dr. Seuss, and particularly a Grinch, fanboy. I have been a junkie since I can remember - the Grinch is an awesome combination of creepiness and pathos. And his teeth are great. But I didn't know what the ICE! thing was - I figured it was Grinch on Ice...an ice skating adventure a la Sesame Street or whatever else they do on ice. my aunt told us they had ice sccculptures and kept it so cold you had to wear the big coats they give you. Upon getting back to my compuetr though, I found that the ice sculpures are the Grinch! Now I can't figure out if thats cooler or lamer than ice skating. I ain't real big on mascot looking figure skaters and lame music....but at least they move. But I have to think this thing could be neat to see once. So i think Mom and i may go check it out...
And, yes, its my birthday this week. Tuesday I will be a real grownup. 30. How ridiculous. But I guess everything pretty much feels like I am doing what I need to be. I love my work. I love my parents and my dog. My friends are all cool. I wish they would quit moving away, but that's another blog for another day.
If you REALLY wanna know what I am looking forward to (like i am sure you do) - my annual Christmas jammy jam is Saturday the 20th this year, following the early Tigers game. Last year was very cool, but i kept my invites to a nil because my place wasn't fully up and running. This year, though, all bets are off and if you have made it to this blog, well, by God, you are invited!

I will be having a miniparty the night before for those who can't make it Saturday or thos whojust want a double dose of that pimpin. Bring something to add to the mix - your favorite drank mix, a dessert, a spicy tuna roll, whateva. You know how we roll.
This year I will have twice the room to spread out, with a second room for turntables, extra seating, atari & nintendo, cable, etc. Last year was way fun - even Arrow Dog had a good time!
OH! And while I am thinking about it - a qucick list of good and bad things:
GOOD:
1) The new Star Wars cartoon. Thought it would SUCK. Instead its got me hooked. Who knew?!
2) Shopping on Amazon. You all got cool gifts coming this year, friends.
3) Soul Coughing - Remember them? I loved "Rolling". There is a cool animated video for it on Youtube.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gxyhp1v2A7A
4) I get to be best man at Aaron B's wedding!
NOT BAD, BUT NOT TOO GREAT EITHER:
1) Step Brothers. Those two dudes sleepwalked through that movie. Funny moments, but I expected A-game material from this crew. This was more like Waterboy than Billy Madison.
JUST FLAT OUT BAD. SHITTY, EVEN:
1) This economy blows! It is amazing that everything could strike so harshly and suddenly - and I wish there was something witty I could say about it to make it seem silly - but it is affecting everyone I know and so many I don't. These layoff numbers are real deal, folks. That's people with few presents to give this year. Our shop feels it every time one of our clients goes out of business or defaults on their bills. So give somebody an extra hug and something nice for Christmas this year. Hopefully Obama Claus is gonna bring the change for 09...
2) Santa Claus The Movie - remember that one?? With Dudley Moore and John Lithgow? With the magic suckers?!?!? It magically sucked alright....It was so lame I think I will have to rent it next time I hit Black Lodge.
Merry Christmas bitches!

Here we go, Tigers...Here we go!

Ah, Tigers season....strangely, I never would have foreseen such anticipation and fandom on my part when I was a kid. Dad was always a diehard and he even managed to make a casual fan out of Mom, but I could just never dig up too much interest in the matter. But now, in my late twenties (and, yes, I can still say that for another few weeks), I have really learned to not only enjoy the season, but to savor it. Getting to sit 5 rows back from the court with your Dad will do that to you I think. And it sure don't hurt that *ahem* we were the winningest team ever last year... And I got to see the whole thing up close in person with the old man, getting served beer! Moments to be treasured for sure.

And here we find ourselves again - Saturday night we got to see our true first home game of basically Tigers Part 2. So how was it? It wasn't on TV, so we wanna know! If you saw the paper or the news you know we kicked their ass. But what sort of ass kicking did we have here? Was it UCLA-Kevin Love-on -the-floor-style ass whupping? Was it Final 4 style ass kicking? Or was it just a buncha guys who were better than Fairfield, whoever the hell they are supposed to be? What about Tyreke? Is he the new D Rose? And who is the new Joey? Or the new CDR? I will give you my thoughts, but first, enjoy the new movie intro:

Well, friends and fans (the only ones who would still be reading at this point), let me give you my two cents worth since you stopped by to read my thoughts on the matter today. I like itemized lists, so hang with me...

1. Robert Dozier will be awesome this year. Antonio Anderson will be as solid as ever - and thats saying something. Shawn Taggart will snatch a lotta rebounds and tip in a lotta loose shots. But you know all this.

2. Doneal Mack is going to be damn good! He is taking it to the hole as well as shooting lots of his trademark 3's - and looking sharper than I expected doing it! You didn't know that!

3. Willie Kemp - all eyes on you, bro - he is pretty solid on the point...but he just doesn't have the speed or power to blow by people like Derrick Rose or even Andre Allen did...but I like Willie and I think he'll dig deep this year.

4. Pierre f'n Niles. The girl sitting next to me said she goes to Ridgeway and has Pierre's old history book. I really think this guy is going to defy odds and become a hometown hero this year. He looks like a monster and is surprisingly fast and nimble out there. He even hit an alley oop dunk that looked like Joey Dorsey! Oh, and did I mention that most of our guys (including Mr. Niles) can actually hit free throws?

5. Jeff Robinson - this guy barely played more than the walk ons. I don't know why we aren't seeing more of him, but he has a certain buzz. People around me were asking each other when he was gonna get to play. I think everyone senses that this guy has breakout potential...he wants to do something explosive and dynamic whenever he gets the ball. Lets hope he sees some real PT this season. He's on the poster this year instead of Doneal for cryin out loud!

6. Tyreke....the big question mark of the season. And he has been clouded even further in mystery by injuries and sickness that kept him out of the exhibition game with CBU (see 3 entries ago)...he didn't start this game, but he was in there plenty. Does he score? Yup. Is he awesome? We'll see. He made some CGI looking moves when he took it to the hole. He can make it go in no matter what comes between him and the basket....but then he also shoots this awkward 3 pointer that, despite his squaring up and having time, doesn't even hit the rim! Noooooo! This guy will be plenty badass though once Cal gets ahold of him and he gets a taste for the pace.

All in all - we will kick ass. The fun part is, I have no idea which combination of guys will turn out to do it. There are no proven stars really - just proven potential. It was great being back at the Forum with the band going off (they learned a White Stripes song this year!) and the crowd fired up and on their feet. I will keep taking pics and videos to keep you posted. And if you're lucky and nice, we might even let you tag along sometime!

there's one thing i hate! all the noise, noise, noise, noise!

Well, the temperature has dropped, I am recieving plans and agendas for upcoming family get togethers, and Walgreens' seasonal aisle is red and green, so it must be the holidays sneaking up on us once again (I now say "uh-gain" after hearing a seminar by a foxy Canadian art director this past weekend. And I am not soar-ee about it!). Some people let the impending festivities get them down or depressed....others seem to get a natural high or happy buzz off the whole thing. I have my own method of dealing with the last month and a half of the year: I get annoyed.
Not that this is too terribly different from the rest of the year. In fact, I generally find myself irritated to some varying extent by the whole of humanity 12 months running, year after year. And please don't think I am too judgemental - I include myself in that whole mumble jumble that we call the human race. I don't get a "Get Out Of Jail Free" card. But as the air gets colder and money gets tighter and it just seems like you are suddenly around more people than usual, it is easy to find inspiration for one's annoyance.
So I say in celebration of the upcoming season, it must surely be time to vent on a few things currently on my "not my favorite" list...
1) My damn pilot light was out for days and as soon as I got it up and running, my hot water heater went kablooey. Now don't worry - my landlord is cool and my utilities are included in my rent, but as I say this is a list of irritating things - and what's more teeth clenching than cold feet at night and a cold shower the next morning?!
2) Barack n' rollers. He won. Great. He was the cooler of the two. Easily. Now Morgan Freeman being president in that meteor disaster movie doesn't seem like the silliest part. Wonderful. But this guy is just that - a guy, people. Don't add a new chapter to the Bible just yet, please folks. Be wary Mr. Obama - Sisqo was pretty happenin for a minute, too.
3) My digestive system is back to acting a fool. The thing is - it is pretty hard to nail down what makes it do what it do. The best I can figure out is - if I eat heavy or fall asleep too soon after dinner, I will be up with a mass of undigested food aching in my upper guts at about 3 in the morning. I honestly can't think of a witty line here to make this funny. It just sucks. Much like the news that...

4) They are remaking the goddamned Karate Kid with Will F'n Smith's 10 year old kid as Daniel-san. I shit you not. This makes me want to crane kick Will Smith in the face. Can we just go ahead and remake Jaws with T-Pain as the shark? I can only hope this new version will have Matrix-y slo/fast motion camera work and a CGI headband that raps and makes witty pop culture references. And speaking of fast motion, its Tigers time again...
5) The Memphis Tigers thought it would be neat to play next Monday's game at 11 pm. I will be there, but Coach Cal - you can expect me to give you an annoyed look during the game. I mean it - don't look over at me. I'll be mean muggin! Much like my favorite air duster huffing fox, Allison:
6) Intervention has been all lame reruns lately. No new Tim & Eric episodes til January. I don't even know if Metalocalypse or the Boondocks will ever be back (please God - hear my plea!) and no more All In The Family on TVLand. Well, thank yew very much and don't do me no favors. Thankfully, old episodes of COPS are just as awesome as the new ones. And COPS always reminds me of...
7) Crackheads. Maybe these guys are not a factor in your life, but try living downtown. They are part of the landscape like gargoyles (which I wish we actually had...."gargoyles for bums" - that could be a hella awesome initiative!) or pigeons. A pack live under the overpass near me and they wash themselves with a bucket of water for everyone to see. Its kind of like living near the woods and getting to watch the wildlife. If the wildlife smoked crack. Sorta like whoever came up with...
8) Auto inspection in Memphis. Are all cities like this??! Did i miss something? I am told you can get false tags in certain gas stations in the hood. When West Memphis AR has its shit together more than your city, its time to take notes.
9) Rats. Another unfortunate of downtown life. Thankfully i have seen no sign of them where i live, but i find it too common to see them running across the street in packs on my block. The way overpriced apartments around the corner seem to have a real problem and its pretty creepy. Though I did always like Templeton in Charlotte's Web... He sang that song about the Schmorgasbords (and I knooow I misspelled that.) But Charlotte was cool too and I am still squashing any spider on sight with extreme prejudice- I don't care if her web has the Defective Agency logo in it.
10) OK - the image above got your attention. Good. This one probably inspired this list. Its pretty wierd and maybe kind of petty - but it does truly annoy me. Now stay with me on this one...I joined the YMCA downtown about 6 weeks ago. It's great - I plan on ending this winter weighing less than I did beforehand, a true first. I love treadmilling my ass off and then I quite enjoy hitting the steamroom and the hot tub which are surprisingly clean and nice facilities. My problem lies not at all with the place, but rather a certain mentality that seems to be popular amongst some of the members.

Now, I played football through high school. I have been in a locker room before. I am not ashamed of myself or afraid to take a shower around dudes. Whatever. But there are some guys at the Y that just seem to have a thing for being ...gratuitous. Its almost like these guys don't get to be naked at home, so now somebody said its technically ok, its just time to let it aaaallll hang loose. Here's the thing - it's not the guys that are in shape and flossing some ego. Its the oldest and usually fattest of us that seem to be really into strutting what they got. Everywhere. And it can be disturbing to say the least.

I am not losing my mind here. There are even clearly marked signs imploring you to at least wear a swimsuit (and it calls it that - swimsuit -i'll rail on that in a second) past a certain point in the hot tub and saunas. I guess these old dudes feel like they are getting away with something? Is there some sort of exhilaration in sitting your wrinkly ass on the tile seat of the sauna? You can't use a towel?? They give out towels!!! For free!!

And I am sorry, but tighty whiteys do NOT count as swimming trunks - especially when you weigh 400lbs. I have not owned a pair of TW's since my first girlfriend in high school who told me they were ridiculous - and thank God i listened and overhauled my underwear collection the next day. And soaking wet on an obese man, half submerged in a hot tub like a Brontosaurus looking to relieve itself of the burden of its own mass? Hideous.Yes, I am being mean here- but you nearly blinded me with this ghastly abomination that mine eyes were so unfortunate as to see, sir. I feel like I watched a child get run over or a dog beaten - I am a worse person for it. And while I am attacking you verbally, let me just say that walking from the steam room to the hot tub and back again does not count as a workout. It's more like a ghastly fashion show strut down the catwalk of Hades. You made it to the Y, and for that I do applaud you. You're on the right track -now take yourself to Target, I say!

11)And last but not least - I am turning 30 in December! What does that even mean?!?!? I am not married, have no kids - is that bad??? I have never left the country...I just now learned how to tie a tie! So much stuff still to do - have I missed out? Am i supposed to be doing something I'm not? If so, who can tell me? I feel like i must be doing something right - unless my thought process is wrong...

- and guess what? That annoys me.

tunes n goons

Geez Louise! With Halloween and all going on I almost forgot to tell you about all the cool music I have gotten to see lately! Not only have I gotten to hear some good choons, but I have even discovered some new venues to hear it in...
For starters, Black Lodge Video is actually a very happenin spot to catch a show, should you get the chance. Yes, the creepy little video place with all the pornos in the lobby and the wierd sign out front. Upstairs they have a studio space where I have seen quite a few interesting bands. Saturday was just such a show - coming off Halloween, I was in the mood for some wierd fun but minus the crowds and ruckus. Well, The New Intruders indeed forgot the crowd - but they sure brought the ruckus. Loud, fuzzy ruckus....with soundbytes and screechy electronic sounds. I don't really ever know quite what these guys are going for, but they sure have a good time going for it...and they definitely don't sound like anyone else around here that i know of! My friends who talked me into going wound up downstairs watching The 40 Year Old Virgin, but i had quite a good time - and was really surprised at the eclectic batch of people there I knew.

Sunday actually found me BACK at Black Lodge for yet another show...this one was a little less my speed, but was every bit as interesting. The Memphis Flyer did a big story about it and called this genre "anti-folk". Apparently this scene includes The Moldy Peaches, early Beck and any other wierd, half sung/half-talked, "I don't care what I am mumbling about"-style, folkish material. The main act was Jeffrey Lewis, a very talented individual who not only sang his songs, but also wrote and drew his own indie comix. The opening act was a trio of cute art-school chicks called The Scandaliz Vandaliztz (probably misspelled that). They had a low budget Luscious Jackson vibe going on with lite rapping, ooo-la-la's & quirky lyrics. I heard they do singing telegrams for twenty bucks - and write the song specially for the occasion! Havng a soft spot for quirky art school chicks, twenty bucks sounds like a steal. My birthday is coming up if anybody wants to send these gals on over to the vanwraps shop!

Next up was Jeffrey himself. You know, I do not generally like singer songwriter types. I find them long winded, self absorbed and a little annoying. But this guy was pretty damn cool! Probably the most memorable thing he did was a "low budget video" of the biography of Obama, which actually amounted to a big hand illustrated flip book that he sang about as he flipped through. It was really neat, though I was amazed at the awe the guy seemed to lavish on his candidate of choice. It involved Obama's worldly culture as a lad, his helping the sick and feeding the hungry...i was waiting for the part where he fed all the bums with a couple loaves of bread and a fish. But I digress.
Lastest and bestest was my personally favorite local band, Oracle & The Mountain. I have known most of these guys quite a while and I have to give them props for having the Defective Agency open their cd release party. Have you not heard them yet? Yooza fool! Many folks around here think Lucero is the greatest thing since sliced bread. Well, I defy you people. These guys are better and you are stupid. Duh! Thankfully there were quite a few people willing to stay up too late on a Sunday night and catch this show. It was great.
On a final and not quite so great tip, I went to the Desoto Civic Center to see Stone Temple Pilots on their attempt at a comeback tour. I have to say they were surprisingly tight - the ambulance that came pulling up preshow was NOT there to haul Weiland off to rehab, much to our surprise. They ran through so many songs that Iknew every word to....It blew my mind how prolific they were. But the place was waaay empty and the extended jazz odyssey jam sessions didn't help. Every time they launched into one, people streamed out the exits like a stink bomb had gone off!
I am told I need to check out Odessa on Broad....having become quite a fan of The Cove and its dranks n' oysters, I believe I will have to wander over there sooner rather than later. I also see that Tim & Eric will be in TX next week. With gas being so cheap, I could probably be convinced to say screw it and head down there...but i probably won't....
OH MY GOD! How could I forget!?!?!
I know it technically doesn't fall under recent music shows, but I got to see the all new Memphis Tigers in their debut exhibition game last night! All my fellow fans want to know: HOW ARE THEY? I will keep it short, but let me say this: We have a long hard road ahead of us. I saw good things: Pierre is in good shape and snagging rebonds. Sean can still hook over tall guys' heads and make it. Dozier is more dynamic than ever. But oh, the bad: Antonio, Tyreke and 3 others were benched with injuries. Roburt Sallie is not overly impressive and couldn't manage to score all night. Turnovers! Turnovers! There's one thing I HATE! All the turnovers! And we even picked up a walk-on white boy from Germantown...all in all, we will kick a lot of ass. But that well-oiled chemistry that Joey, CDR & D Rose brought to the table will take a while to reproduce. But I plan on having a blast watching and waiting! Also, I called a LOT of my friends to ask if they wanted to go last night. Dad & I sit less than 10 rows back from the court at the away free throw line. Dream seats. You know what I heard? "Gee, I gotta work...my girlfriend will kill me if i go without her...I am doing laundry...I dont answer my phone (OK, i didnt actuall hear that one, but you get my point)"....Whats up with you guys?!? I gotta upgrade my friend selection!

The crunkest of Halloweens....

My, my...what a Halloween this year. The past few years my Halloweens have been a little subdued, so I was pretty much determined to have some fun this time. When the offer came along to dj the VIP lounge at the Forum for the Grizzlies' opening game, I knew I would at least have somewhere to be, but I had no idea if there would be fun involved. After all, the lounge is for long time ticket holders. Do the math - this means they are either old or they are at least rich. Whatever they are, it's NOT generally a twenty-something hipster, so I was a little intimidated. What do these folks want blaring at them as they eat free chicken wings before the game? Then it dawned on me that, with it being Halloween, I should dig up all the nifty Halloween themed mashups and remixes I could find. You would be surprised how many there are out there!
Let me also say that I did not have a single rubber bat stolen this year (I have vented about the bums snagging my bats in prior posts) and my decorations looked pretty cool. I did not pull of any super-neat pumpkins this year, but the ones I did were pretty cool...

Anyway, I got to the Fedex Forum on Halloween, trunk fulla dj gear, having been told I was on the list and all was well. I pulled up the entrance and a platoon of 4 or 5 60-something year old security guards approached me. They had no idea who i was or what i was talking about, but they said they had clearance for an unspecified "crew member" and that I might as well be it. Wonderful. Top notch security there! After a few delays (lets just say that they take parking pretty seriously at the Forum) I got set up and ready to rock this thang...

A good sign that your dj'ing skills are on-point: the nearest big-booty (and I say that with affection) black girl is snapping her fingers and dancing to herself, while the nearest 50 year old white lady is shuffling around, concerned that its just too loud and motioning for you to turn it down. More. Just a little more. OK, that's good. No - just a bit more. Greeeeeat. At this point I was basically playing the music through my headphones, but at least I was having fun.
I had been told that my pay for the evening would largely consist of tickets for the game. This did not come as overly exciting news at first as I can pretty much schmooze my way into any given Grizz game anyway. But then I got to my seats! I was 3 rows back from the floor, and if you look to the bottom right, in the black suit, you'll see King Willie himself. What can I say? A pimp eat steak. And I love the girl who comes dancing by - she is obviously working that thang and it seems to catch Willie's attention...

As I settled in and realized how many people I recognized in my immediate vicinity (cool because I suppose they were all power players of sorts to be sitting so well, and I was one of them, but uncool because I disliked the majority of them - what can i say?), I came to realize that these guys had quite a show taking place. Opening night, Halloween, the return of our long absent mascot after a cancer battle - all this added up to festivity on the making. Tricky tricks and musicky music, so to speak. And I must say, the Forum & the Grizz did not disappoint. Flames, stilt walkers, and even Saliva (who I will give a Free Pass on the shitty sarcasm here just to be nice) - the mood was set. But it was the triumphant return of the Grizz that had to be the highlight. In a very David Lee Roth-ish move, he flew down from the tippitty top of the Forum to the sounds of Foreigner. Nice.

In the longrun, the Grizz won in what had to be the most suspenseful, miraculous and - what the hell - fun that I have EVER had at a Grizz game. Easily. It was like the crowd was into it in a big way - much like the vibe at Tigers games. That feeling of "if we all want it bad enough and we cheer hard enough our wish will come true". And damn if it didn't come true! With 2 seconds left, they threw it in and Mike Conley snatched it from a guy twice as tall as himself and called a timeout. With one second left, we threw it in to eaxactly who needed it (Rudy Gay - duh) and he made one of those highlight reel three pointers at the buzzer and won the game. Streamers fell. The Star Wars theme played. High fives went around. Little kids laughed and played. It was awesome.

In the aftermath, I stuck around and pillaged the staff Halloween party (fun) then went to rescue my boss and his family who were swamped in the parking lot of the New Daisy. I thought I was going to get to host a mini Halloween party once I scooped them up, but we wound up playing drunken "wedge out of the parking place without damaging the truck or that garbage dumpster over there" game. It took ten minutes, but thankfully we won!
Upon returning to my place, I was met by my favorite bum, Carl, more commonly known as "Der-dr-drrr". Maybe you know him - he roams downtown and greets people with an odd growl-ish "Brrrrrddddrrrraaa!" Its kind of like Tigger's growl, but with crack. He also wears a toboggan in summer. Anyway, he approached me wanting food or some such foolishness. I was much too drunk for sandwich making, so I gave him an old handle of coconut rum instead. He looked like a little kid who gets all thats left in the candy bowl because the homeowners are about to call it a night and go to bed. It was tricks and treats all around...here's hoping the Great Pumpkin will be as generous next year!

life finds a (pretty damn cute) way...

As mentioned previously, my coworker and friend, Dawn, just welcomed a new litter of Australian Shepherd pups into the world. This is the mama's (Blue, aka BooBoo) third litter and it got off to a rough start. She had a dozen to start and lost two early on, but everyone seems ok now and before long they will be all over the place. I sent her home with my camera so I could get some gratuitously cute puppy footage and this was my favorite clip. This is the post-supper cleanup by Mama...prepare to "Awwwwww".

In memory of my Uncle Bill

Got a really sad call from Mom Thursday afternoon that my Dad's brother, my Uncle Bill had passed. I only have two true uncles, and this one was as close to another My Dad as there is out there - especially since my Granddaddy died some years ago - so this was a true loss. Everybody has "that Uncle", the odd man out who nobody really gets....I have that Uncle, but he managed (barely) to survive last week and will get his own blog entry some other day (that'll be a grand one). But let me just take a second to say that my Uncle Bill was pretty much my definition of cool: always laid back, super productive and sharp, and the all-around nice guy. I can still hear his bellowing "Waddaya say, Just-UN?" He was always fun to be around. In fact, I would say he was the uncle everyone got - you couldn't help but feel at ease around him. He leaves an awesome family behind - a quite diverse palette of cousins that I always liked and my Aunt Missy who has also been very cool to me my whole life. I will miss my Uncle Bill and I sure do wish I had found more time to spend with him, as I am sure everyone in my family does.